"Do you still not understand?"

 I think that You must look at me with this question pretty often. Yet, only You know what it will take to get through to me. You made my mind and my heart. You have been with me through every experience in my life. You created all that I must learn and you know what I need to do with it. You have a plan for all of this, and I am sorry to say that so often I do not understand. I think that I get an inkling and then I realize that there is so much more to grasp. But you tell me that I don't need to understand it all to be ready to do what you are asking. It will be clear when it is time, and THAT is what I need to understand. I need to understand that to trust you is the way to doing your will. 

I have one foot out of the boat. I am not really afraid, just uncertain of what is supposed to happen next. I have been given good counsel. "Lean in" "Follow Me" The Church is in need of renewal and invitation. The Church needs people who will establish communities of Faith. Lay people who come together to pray, and worship, and invite. 

To bring healing to the wounded, and their families. To offer a place to be nourished and tended. 

Come, Holy Spirit, Come. Show me the way to your plan. 

Some Topics

 A few of the things that I want to explore:

How can families be so fragile that they can be broken by ideas?

What good is God bringing out of all this division?

What some really smart people say about how we got here, and why I agree, or not.

The Truth, and why there is only one.

Wanting to look around corners and yet knowing that it is better not to.

Why a farm would be a good idea

Why we can't stay in Maryland anymore ( the real reason)

How my womanhood is such a Blessing, and why it's not just for anyone.

How I think things are going to end, (but not when)

The sad state of our family. 

The joy of our family. 

A Place to Pour Out.

 I have lately been feeling really frustrated by the inability to communicate my thoughts about the way that I see things going in our society. Not that my thoughts are better than anyone else's. As I have thoughts during prayer or while reading or studying, it's natural to want to discuss them with someone, yet I am finding it almost impossible to find anyone that wants to discuss the things that the Lord has been showing me, and honestly, it's not really fair to ask. Why should they?

Mom and dad used to sit and talk for hours, Grandma and Grandpa too. They would talk about the state of things, and the way that the world was going and what they thought about how long it would last. It seemed like they enjoyed it, but now I wonder how much anyone really enjoys commenting on the end of the world as they know it. The world as they knew it did end. Dad is still here and he is still engaged, but I don't know how much any of us understands the way things really are.

I have thought about this at length, and prayed, and the Lord has put it on my heart to write about the things that I can't speak about. The things that are not to be spoken of, or are not welcome or are frequently misunderstood. I don't think anyone knows about this blog and while I am not going to tell everyone I know about it, I am also going to leave it public, as the Lord has asked me to. It's mainly just for me to be able to "speak" aloud the things that I am trying to work out, without bothering anyone else, but if it ends up in front of someone who can benefit from something, then so be it. I hope not to offend, but I am also going to share ideas that a lot of people find offensive. Like there is a God, and there is ultimate Truth, and the Truth is a person. That God made us a certain way and that He made us for Himself and that He is so in love with us that He will do anything to spend eternity with us. Even die. 

I see and hear so many things that I don't understand, and if I were the only one who were struggling with living in this "brave new world" I would think it was just me. But it's not. Families are divided, the language is no longer dependable, suspicion is part of most exchanges in the public square. God is pushed aside for the golden calf of self. We should know how this ends. We should be able to see what's coming. Do we think that we are immune? Can we have a culture of anger, division, denial, and death and come out into the Utopia that each of the many "sides" is seeking? Really?

I am going to ask God what He wants me to say. I hope that I can get it right. He has prompted me, and He has brought me to this lonely place, where there is no one to tell it to except this digital space. So I will tell it. And I won't ask anyone else to listen or try to understand. I will tell it back to God. He already knows, but like any good teacher, He wants to hear my response to what He is teaching to my heart. 

There have been any number of people on YouTube and in books that I have read, who have all of this worked out, but it isn't enough for me to just read what they have written, because though I agree with them, there is no one that I can share it with. I am not complaining. It would be extremely self-centered of me to expect anyone to sit and listen while I hash things over. Me expressing my every thought and comment would be beyond tedious. Ugh. So this is a private and relatively unknown place to dump it all out, pray, reread and look over what I am seeing out there. I can't see very far over the horizon, but as Jesus said, I can learn to read the signs of the times. 

I don't know how often I will write, but I hope that when I am inclined to talk, I will come here. 

I have to be somewhere in a while but maybe I'll have a chance to put a few things down later.