The School of the Spirit

I am not a person who holds anger. I do not feel resentments for long. I don't have a problem forgiving others. It's just never been something that I have had to struggle with.

I have been walking through foreign territory lately, and for a while I couldn't figure out why, but I think now I understand.

As I have been reading and working through the Unbound Ministry course, I have been finding so many areas in my own life that the Holy Spirit wants to heal, and that He desires to help me to understand. 

At first, a couple of weeks ago, while trying to navigate some issues with friends, I found myself becoming really angry at the person that was instigating the problems. Really angry. 

I had an ugly exchange with a legislator that left me fuming and unsettled. I couldn't stop thinking about it. 

Then I had a talk with a family member and we started talking about a situation that was very painful for that person, and myself, and I was once again really angry. The old wounds opened up and I felt the pain and resentment like it was yesterday. 

My son was in an accident, and I was angry at the man who hit him, at the police who wouldn't come and help, and at myself for putting my son into the situation in the first place. 

I have been more impatient and uncharitable with people; much more easily exasperated.

I have been hashing things over, talking about them, being defensive.

All of this is happening within the few weeks that I have started to work through the Unbound course.  I thought that it must be the devil. He must not want me to learn how to help people find the way out of bondage to him and into a new life with Christ. I figure he was trying to rattle me.

This morning I have a new perspective. I think that I am being given an opportunity to experience the feelings of anger that I don't usually struggle with, so that I can better understand what others have to pull out of their hearts. I think that the Holy Spirit wants me to walk through this with a desire to learn how to let Him draw out the poison and fill the wound with His presence.

At Mass this morning I was given so much insight and consolation!! Father called down annointing on those that carry anger and resentments and called us to let them go and to be freed by the Holy Spirit. And I did, and I was. 

What a gift!!

I have not enjoyed feeling angry. It is very unsettling and disturbing, but I think it was necessary. 

I want to take these lessons and not only help people see the joy of letting go and forgiving, but also what is possible for thier relationships, and futures.