Excuses, Excuses

I have learned A LOT over the past three years.
I have learned, prayed, been filled, expanded, healed, and I have encountered Christ in ways that I couldn't have imagined.
He has sent me to courses, He has met me in Adoration, seminars, and at daily Mass.
My time is filled with good things, and I am seeing the old, fearful and unhappy parts of me being healed.
He calls me to become an active disciple, but I keep waiting for that time when I feel that I have enough tools in my bag. I want more training, more education, more signs. I think that all of those things are necessary, of course, but I wonder if in some ways I am hiding behind the preparation.
I wonder if I am keeping the Light under the bed, because I am afraid.
Paul says, "When I came to you, brothers and sisters, proclaiming the mystery of God, I did not come with sublimity of words or wisdom."
Jesus says "Your light must shine before others." He promised that He would give us the words that we should say.  If I don't open my mouth, the words will not come out. He can inspire my heart but if I do not have a willing tongue, how will He speak to the person in front of me?
The lie of "respect for others' beliefs" has permeated the culture. Of course I don't want to trample all over the feelings of other people, and of course I need to be gentle and only bear Christ's love to them, but if I really love them, I also need to get out of His way so that He can work through me.
I think I have an open heart, and a willing spirit, but I also have too careful a tongue.

It may not be speech that He is asking for, but to just be with people, so that they can see Him.
It could be that He just wants me to get out there, but I also have to be careful that I don't hide behind "activity". I have done that before. I have fallen for the lie that if I am doing all kinds of "good" things then I am doing enough.
Well, if I am not doing those good things in the name of Jesus and giving Him the glory, then I am just doing things. He is the author of Good. He is the one that all the good comes from and I have to be sure that I am giving Him all the Glory and praise that He is due. That is how others will see where the good, the joy and the Truth come from.

I used to think that my path should be education. That I should teach. I used to think that I needed to go down the road of formal education in order to be "credible".
I have long been on a path that has led to many kinds of understanding, but what I see now is that understanding is not going to come from anything that I know. All the books and courses and seminars are good, but they are not going to provide me with more understanding and wisdom, they are simply giving me structures. Those structures are good and necessary, but they are not the source.
He is the source, and He will equip me. What I need is more of Him. More of His Grace, more of His love, more of His truth in my heart.
I feel a sense of urgency. It makes me a bit nervous, but it is also exciting.
What did the 72 disciples feel as they went out onto the road? Did they feel fully prepared for the mission? Jesus sent them, and they went. They learned on the job. They were given the Grace to do what He needed them to do.

Jesus, give me the Grace that is sufficient for this day. Let me be a Light and help me always to remember that I CAN do all things in You, for You DO strengthen me.